The Poopcoin

How to save the world ?

. 7 minutes .

An insider interview with Gille Baits!

Our reporter Lémy Vaillant has interviewed the most powerful woman in the world, With a total net of 561 billion toe*, more than one billion followers and 52 NGOs, Gille Baits has it all. Today, she sat down with us to talk about life and her most famous invention: the Poopcoin.

Funny or Phi Magazine (issue N°86) – 14 march 2079

L. Vaillant: Ms Baits, thanks for having me!

G. Baits: Call me Gille 🙂

Thanks xp You recently announced an update to the payback value of different wastes, based on their plastic digestion potential. That was brilliant. How did you get such an idea?

Well. Like everything big, it came to me on the seat… You know, sometimes saving the world goes that way: save yourself first. Take care of yourself. And I don’t mean make-up! I mean your inner self. Learning to love your animal side is foremost: your odors, your waste!

Product placement? 😉

Seriously, though. You know, I like to remind this – quite surprising – fact: remember that 50 years ago, eating living things was normal… Don’t make that face, it was! We were at war with ourselves, constant war with nature. People craved on it – eating anything non-human.

What do you mean by “Iearning to love our animal side”?

So, basically, mankind achieved behavioral modernity 80,000 years ago. That’s a lot right? And apart from the Big Bug**, behaviors have remained the same. Sleeping, eating, loving, writing*** and speaking, were already there and were it not for the tools we use, life would be the same.

Wait, we’re having this conversation 2,000 km away from each other. Don’t tell me they could do that even 5,000 years ago.

Of course, the tools are new! They augment us but they don’t change us. It’s just optimization, not modification. In 30 minutes, rather than taking a dirty and dangerous ride after work, you’ll just meet your wife next door. And that’s amazing. That’s the power of electronics. But tools don’t change behaviors. They optimize… We are just, you and I, having a talk. Like people used to do 100,000 years ago, with an already recursive syntaxic language. And that’s nothing new for humans. l’m telling you: learning to love, and understand, what is eternal in humans beings… the beast, still within us… the ghost in the machine is nothing more than a playful chimp.

“The ghost in the machine is nothing more than a playfull chimp”

Ok, but then us moving beyond eating non-human animais for instance. Wasn’t that a radical change?

You are entirely right! 🙂 Thank you. It was a radical change and it wasn’t easy. Nature’s rights didn’t come just like this. Same for humans rights before that. Mind revolutions…

That brings us back a long way.

But if you allow me… I think, again, that only the tools made it possible for these rights to appear. For nature’s right, as for human’s right, only us being able – as a collective, thanks to agriculture and crops, alphabets, then printing machines, the electricity and later DNA printing – being able to optimize and then replicate mother nature’s ways allowed us to sit down, to have more time to think about what really matters and decide it should be true always and for everyone. The right to live, the right to freedom… Law is only the code that allows behaviors – good behaviors, important ones – to replicate faster.

Fascinating! But let’s get back to you. Can you explain, simply, what is that invention of yours, the Poopcoin?

It’s a straightforward concept: it’s the currency you get in exchange of your organic waste.

But how does it work? I mean…

Do you have any?

Poopcoin? Of course, I do, I have a 6-person family!

You’re a lucky man:) Well, what should I explain more ? Every gram of organic waste you’re able to feed to the network will be turned into energy – and water, and fertilizers, and the network pays you in exchange of that. In Poopcoins.

The Poopcoin Ecosystem

How come nobody ever thought of it before?

Poopcoin is just the getting together of two technologies that had been there forever: waste recycling and coin. What I did, is that I put them together. And that created the conditions for a complete waste upcycling ecosystem to happen. Thanks to a token, I just found a way for people to get value out of their waste and exchange it (the value) on a network. But that was possible because we had the technology to turn waste into energy. It was there, I just plugged everything together, so…

How did THAT happen. The „plugging together”?

I invested a lot of money in in-house digester companies and waste management companies – created a few myself, developed a crypto-currency and its platform, installed very fancy toilets in high trafic places, and…

And now, anytime people see a Tartsbuck****, the only thing they think about is getting some Poopcoin!

Haha, I hope so! Mere exposure at its best. The Tartsbuck venture was a nice touch to the overall thing, yes. And ifs also quite a good revenue maker, une vrai vache à lait, excuse my french…

Which one is your favorite?

Toilet? The one in Modica, in Sicilly. Beautiful sight.

Beautiful. Do you think, as you can be refered to, that you’re the person who made the transition possible?

I think the other way around. The transition allowed me. One of the most interesting statistics of my life is that my net value is correlated with the ETS Carbon price. I take great pride in that 😉

2049 must have been a nice year for your wallet :p

It tripled… xD

Thank you, and to finish this interview, any book you’d recommend?

Plato’s Gorgias. Timeless.


‘* toe – tons of oil équivalent – standard modern currency. Ed.
‘** Big Bug refers to the behavioral-economics crisis, 2018-2024. Ed.
‘*** G. Baits’ post-ed note: “Writing as symbolic engravings. Alphabets would corne later.”
‘**** Tartsbuck is the luxury public toilet company created by Gille Baits. Any ressemblance is only playfull. We love starbucks because they stoped using plastics, as much as they could.


POOPCOINS DON’T EXIST. But if you really want some, you can always drop us a line.

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